Dream of Me
by Aringofsalt
Summary: Dean, Sam, and Castiel have already closed the gates of Hell, and now they're closing Heaven. And Castiel is locking the door behind him, which leaves Dean and Sam alone on Earth. Sam is ready to start a new life, but Dean just wants to watch over Sam and have his angel by his side. Dean doesn't know where to start , and when the worst happens he turns to his dreams for comfort.
1. Chapter 1

Barely holding himself up; standing in a pile of blood. That's not even his own.

Dean looks over to his right and sees Sam getting himself up. When he's fully up, his eyes meet Dean's and he gives him a nod. They both turn and look up at the sky, hoping to maybe see something. Anything.

He looks back at Sam and Sam walks over to the passenger door of the Impala without looking back up at Dean. Dean looks back up at the sky one more time then goes into the Impala.

They don't turn on the radio. What had just happened was still stuck in their head's. An image went through Dean's mind; one of Castiel. Castiel walking through those barn doors, Dean and Bobby shooting at him because they didn't know what he was. Who he was.

Then another image; one that happened a couple of years ago. When Cas gobbled up a bunch of souls and claimed he was the new "God".

Then one last image; one from tonight. The image that was the most important. The most important because Dean wasn't afraid of Cas in this image, not like the last ones. This time he was sad. This time he was saying farewell.

All three of them barely fitting on the hood of the Impala. Dean in the middle, Sam on his right and Cas on his left. Just looking up at the stars, waiting for the shooting star to go by, so they can do the last trial, the last trial to close the gates of Heaven. Already closed Hell, might as well do the same to Heaven.

The last trial was to carve the Angel Banishing Sigil into a Fallen Angel, which Cas actually had already done a couple years back but he still was an angel back then. But it had to be the same night and hour that Savannah's Comet would go by Earth, which only went by every twenty years so it was now or never.

When it finally passed, they got up and started working. Dean had offered to carve Cas but Cas insisted that he didn't need to do that. When Cas was done, he began to say the spell.

The ground shaking, wind blowing.

Castiel was almost done when he looked up from the spell, his blue eyes watering. Dean and Sam stepped a little bit closer.

"This is the end, huh." Dean says.

"Dean…" Cas says with a little sound of guilt.

"Just make sure you come visit us when we end up there. I'm gonna need a friend to side with me in an argument with Sam." He nods his head toward Sam.

"Be safe, Cas" Sam says.

Cas nods at Sam and returns to his spell. He says the final word of the spell. Then drops to the floor; Sam and Dean run up to him. They both kneel beside him. He barely has his eyes open when he reaches his hand up to the back of Dean's neck and pulls him down next to his head.

"Don't worry, Dean. Dream and I'll be with you" he says so quietly there was no way Sam heard it.

Cas let go and Dean sat back up not meeting Sam's eyes.

Then Cas told both of them to move and cover their eyes. Which they did. Cas disappeared in a ray of light right after.

"Hey! Dean to Earth? Anyone home?" Sam says which shakes Dean from his memories.

"You missed the exit." He told Dean.

"Oh…sorry." He said before turning around.

"Hey man, is this about Cas?' Cause I can tell that it is." Sam asks.

Dean doesn't say anything. "Come on man, he was my friend too. What's on your mind?" Sam says. Trying to pry Dean open.

It doesn't work.

"Dean" Sam sternly says.

"What Sam? What do want to know? What would you possibly want to know, huh? What I'm thinking about? Why, I might be out of it a little because my best friend just locked up Heaven and closed the door behind him? … Sam just drop it." Dean says.

Sam backs off and leans his head against the window to drift off, which leaves Dean alone with his thoughts. _"Don't worry, Dean. Dream and I'll be with you? What was that supposed to mean?"_ Dean thought.

Dean felt happy and sad at the same time. They had closed the gates of Hell and Heaven. Which is all good but he locked up his best friend, the only person that he could trust besides Sam and Bobby.

He was going to miss that trench coat blue eyed winged best friend of his.

The next morning at the bunker was a little different. They were used to Cas buying the groceries

The next morning at the bunker was a little different. They were used to Cas buying the groceries, so of course Sam had to get some. And he also forgot the pie.

Dean was acting a little strange but Sam didn't push, he knew his brother needed time. And after what happened yesterday Sam didn't think Dean would spill anything today.

Sam just hoped Dean would eventually talk and move past it. But he also knew how much Cas meant to Dean. He knew that they were something more than just best friends. Even if they didn't show any of it, he knew they secretly had feelings for each other. But he bet Dean buried down those feelings so far into the ground that you couldn't pull them back up. And he knew that Cas didn't know what to do with his feelings, he never felt that way with anyone else. Maybe Meg, but she died a couple years back. Sam knew Dean didn't want Cas to leave, but it was the only thing left that they had to do before they could live regular lives. And Dean knew that's what Sammy wanted.

Dean didn't know what to do with himself. He tried to go to sleep last night, but after what happened he couldn't. He ended up, awake in bed just staring at the ceiling, not knowing what to do next. He knew Sam wanted a regular life, but he just wanted to be driving in his baby and stopping along the way to gank some monsters. But now there were no monsters, no demons, not even angels. And not even his best friend angel. It was just Dean and Sam. But Dean knew that Sam was gonna go off and do his own thing and get married and have an apple pie life. He knew he couldn't watch over Sam forever, Sam was a grown man. He could make his own decisions.

So that left Dean sitting alone in his room wandering what the hell he was going to do with his life. He had never really thought about it because he knew what he was going to be doing all his life. Hunting. It was that simple. But now, there is no evil in the world except the crazy humans, which he knew he can't stop or hunt. Dean was just at a dead end and he didn't know how to turn around.

So Dean decided to take a nap. Just a 2 hour nap. He had told Sam to wake him up at 5 o clock. He didn't want to miss dinner.

So Dean laid down on his bed, he needed a nap. He never got a good night sleep at the motels they would stay at. He just needed some beauty sleep.

"Dean" a familiar voice filled Dean's ears. He looked up to see Castiel across the table from him. Dean had been eating a double cheese burger; at a restaurant he and Sam had eaten at before during a hunt. He didn't even remember the name of the place, he just remembered the food.

"Cas?" He asked

"Hello Dean" Dean could see Cas mouth turn into a little smile.

"Huh … you're not real." Dean said and went back to his burger.

Cas tilted his head at him with the same old confused look on his face. "Dean, I came to talk to you" Cas finally says.

Dean looked up and finished chewing before he said "It doesn't matter, you're not you, well not a mind of its own you anyway." He went in for another bite.

"Dean, this is me. I can only contact you, in your dreams. Remember what I told you before I left?" Cas says

Dean stops mid chew and thinks about it. _"Dream and I'll be with you. This really could be Cas, or my mind playing tricks on me."_

"I'm gonna need some proof"

"Okay" Cas simply states then disappears as per usual.

Dean rolls his eyes. He knew that couldn't be Cas, he'll never see Cas again.

He then heard the sound of wings. He looked up again and saw Cas sitting there. "So where's the proof?"

"It's right next to you."

Dean looked down on his seat first on the right then on the left, and there was nothing there.

"I don't see anything. You're obviously a pigment of my imagination. This is just a dream."

Cas didn't reply, he simply starred at Dean then disappeared with a whisper of wings.

"Hey Dean, its 5. Wake up!" Sam said

"Uh?"

"Time to wake up"

"Oh, okay … I had the weirdest dream."

"Well you can tell me all about it later" he patted Dean's knee "Come on"

Sam got up and left Dean's room. Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the nightstand and saw the picture of his mother still there. He sighed and got up from his bed and started walking towards the door. But before he walked out, he turned around and looked at his bed one more time. He noticed something that he didn't notice before. He walked closer to his bed and saw it, barely peeking out from behind the side of his pillow.

A folded up blue tie.


	2. Chapter 2

"So what happened in your dream?" Sam asked after they finished dinner.

"What?"

"Your dream, you were going to tell me about it, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well?"

"There… were clowns and midgets everywhere, it was pretty crazy" Dean lied.

"Huh, okay" Sam said and then walked off.

Dean couldn't tell Sam about his dream, at least not yet. He didn't really know what it meant. How was Cas able to see Dean in his dreams? What did Cas want to talk about?

-

"Dean" Cas said.

This time they were at Ellen's roadhouse, sitting at the bar. Dean looked to his right and saw Cas.

"Uh, Hi Cas" Dean said still confused.

"Dean, I need to tell you something."

"Well hold on man, I mean first you lock the door to Heaven right behind you, then you show up in my dream telling me that this is really you, I'm sorry but I've got a couple questions for you first." Dean said which took Cas back a bit.

"Okay, Dean"

"Okay well how are you able to talk and be here in my dream? Especially since you're locked up in Heaven"

"It's not like I don't have my powers since I'm in Heaven now. But this was the only way to contact you. A human's dream is very similar to a human's heaven."

"Okay, well how did you get the tie to my room, when you're locked up?"

"Well there are some things we as angels can send to Earth. We make a request and it gets considered, and usually they always send them out."

"Oh. …Well, I guess it's really you."

"Yes"

Dean was still weary but he didn't need to know any more. This was Cas,_ his_ Cas. He could barely grasp that Cas was here. Well in his dream at least.

Dean was staring "Dean, I came to tell you something" Cas said which shook Dean from his thoughts.

"Okay, what is it?" Dean took a sip from his beer in front of him.

"I uh… I … I wanted to tell you…"

Dean looked up at Cas, he had a scared look on his face. "Cas?"

"Uh never mind" he said a little bit too quickly.

Dean turned to face Cas all the way "Cas, I can tell by the look on your face that something's eaten at you."

Cas looked at Dean straight into his eyes "I said never mind" Cas said with a harsh tone. Dean blinked and then Cas was gone. Dean huffed and went back to his beer.

-

Dean opened his eyes, a growling call for food in his stomach. Dean sat up and looked over to his alarm clock which said 8:14. He sighed and pulled the covers off of him and wandered down the hall to the bathroom.

After he relieved himself, Dean went to the main room. Sam was making breakfast.

"Mornin'" Dean said.

"Morning" Sam said and gave Dean a little nod.

"Whatcha making?"

"Eggs and bacon, want some?" Sam offered.

"Of course!" Dean smiled widely.

Sam scuffed. He could tell his brother was getting back to himself. He didn't expect him to be recovering so fast though. But he guessed that Dean knew Cas was in Heaven, Cas' home.

-

Dean applied for some mechanic jobs. It was the only thing he was good at besides hunting. He just felt comfortable under the hood of a car.

After going out and applying, Dean was tuckered out. He needed some good sleep; he hadn't any good rest since the last time he was knocked out.

It was only 11 but Dean was tired so he curled up in the covers and fell asleep.

"Dean?" Cas asked.

This time Dean was in the Impala driving down a highway, with Cas in the passenger.

"Cas-"

"Dean, I'm sorry about last night. I think I may have overreacted."

Dean huffed "It was no big deal, you do that kind of stuff all the time"

"Well, I wasn't angry the last times. And this time I shouldn't have been angry."

Dean looked at Cas who was already staring at Dean. "Cas it's okay"

Cas gave him a little smile and turned back to the road. But for some reason Dean couldn't keep his eyes towards the road before they would wander off looking at Cas. /Come on Dean get a hold of yourself/

"Dean, are we still friends?" Cas asked out of the blue.

Dean looked at him like he was crazy. "Yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

"I just thought since I left, you would try to forget about me and just move on and make new friends""

"Well I'm not the kind of guy he forgets people, especially heroes" Cas lips curled into a smile "And I would've moved on but now you're here in my dreams, so I guess I can't get rid of you" Dean smirked "Now let's put on some tunes" Dean turned on Bon Jovi's "You give Love a Bad Name".


	3. Chapter 3

Dean and Cas had been meeting in Dean's dream for over a week now. Just talking about everything, anything they can think of. Sometimes they don't even talk; they just ride in the impala.

Sam had noticed that Dean was in a better mood lately so he decided to ask. "What are you smiling about?" Sam asked.

Dean looked up from his pizza; which they ordered for dinner. "I wasn't smiling"

"Yeah, you were. You've been smiling a lot more lately, just wanted to know if there was a reason." Sam stated

_Should I tell him about it? Should I tell him that I talk to Cas every night? Should I lie? Or should I just say it's nothing?_ "Well… actually there may be a reason. I…uh…"

"Spit it out!"

"I've been meeting Cas in my dreams."

_Whoa_ Sam was not expecting that. He was expecting that Dean watched the new season of Dr. Sexy, not this. How is it even possible?

"How?"

"Well I don't know, he can use his mojo and meet me in my dreams. I didn't ask him that much. But Sammy believe me I'm not just dreaming of Cas, it's actually him! Him and his deep voice, his very low understanding of humanity, and that same old trench coat!"

"I believe you Dean, I'm just surprised, that's all."

Dean calmed himself down a bit. He didn't want his brother to think he was insane about this Cas thing. Dean knows Sam will turn into if he starts going crazy.

-

"Cas?" Dean asked

"Yes, Dean? Cas replied

Dean looked at Cas. They were at Bobby's house, sitting at the kitchen table drinking beers.

"I told Sam"

"Told Sam what?" Cas asked

"Told him how you can come see me in my dreams"

"I was surprised you didn't tell him earlier. You usually don't keep information away from your brother." Cas took a sip of the beer.

"Well, I just didn't know how to tell him"

"I understand"

Dean huffed. Dean could tell Cas did understand. He bet Cas didn't know how to confront all of his brothers and sisters after he had done something wrong. Dean wanted to know if this was true or not.

"Hey Cas, can I ask you something?"

"Yes"

"What's it like in heaven? Like the angel side of heaven?"

"Well, it's bright."

Dean laughed. "Okay, but like what do you do when you're not here?"

"Well not much. I talk to my brothers and sisters a lot, nothing special."

"Cas, when I die and hopefully go to heaven, will you be able to visit me?"

"Of course Dean." Cas replied

Dean nodded. A small smile curled on his face. Dean didn't want to admit it but he kept getting butterflies in his stomach, every time he saw Cas. But, he decided to push those feelings down. He didn't like Cas, he **couldn't** like Cas. Dean already told himself that he didn't swing that way, why would anyone question that? Dean has been with plenty of woman, had actually feelings with a couple. It's just too abstract to be any kind of truth.

"Dean?" Cas awoke Dean from his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm ready to tell you."

Dean looked at him confused "Tell me what?"

"That one thing we were going to discuss when we were first at the Roadhouse"

"Oh… okay shoot"

"I think I'm attracted to you"

Dean stared with wide eyes.

"I know I am. I have for a long time now" Cas continued.

_Oh shit_

This was very unexpecting for Dean. He could imagine himself liking Cas, but Cas liking him? He never could have imagined that. Dean was a mess, and Cas had seen him a mess and at his weakest spots. He knew all of Dean's ugly secrets. Why would he like him?

"Why?" Dean said

"Why?" Cas repeated

"Why would you like me?"

Cas looked at Dean more closely "Why do you think so low of yourself, Dean?" Dean's face went blank "Dean, you are the bravest living soul on Earth that I've met. And I've met a lot of people. You are kind, humorous, and caring. Why wouldn't I like you?"

"Because…"

"You are easy to talk to; you're strong, and loyal … And attractive as well." Cas blushed at that last statement. "And you mean the world to me."

"You're wrong" Dean stated. "I'm weak and reckless. And I let everyone I know down. All these people I loved died because of me. I'm not even close to that perfect guy."

"That's the point, Dean. You **aren't** perfect. You **are** flawed. You** are** human. That's what I love about humanity. That's why I love how you're reckless, and how you're vulnerable at times. How you think you have to save everyone. When you think you aren't worthy enough to be happy."

Dean was shocked. His best friend just told him he liked him, and now Dean was Cas' world.

Before Dean could say anything he snapped out of the dream by a pain in his abdomen.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam decided it was time to tell Dean that he was going back to law school. He wanted to get it over with it; he just hoped Dean wouldn't be mad.

Sam knocked on Dean's door and heard a moan. He figured it was just Dean so he came in to see Dean curled up in a ball on the floor.

"Dean?" Sam said with panic in his voice.

"Uhh" Dean was clutching his stomach.

"Are you okay?"

"My stomach hurts like hell" he responded

"Hex bag, maybe?" Sam said out loud to himself

"No, take me to a hospital" Dean reached his arm out to Sam who took it and slung it over his shoulder.

"Okay, okay I gotchya, I gotchya"

-

Dean's room was 24A. Sam was napping in a chair next to Dean's bed.

There was a dumb soap opera playing on TV, but Dean wasn't really paying attention.

Once Dean got comfortable, he closed his eyes and decided to get some sleep.

* * *

"Dean?"

Dean looked up.

"Is everything okay?" Cas was worried. He didn't want this to happen to Dean.

"Uh, I don't really know yet" I shrug

Cas nodded "Okay, Dean"

"… So you uhh… like me?" Dean finally asked like maybe the answer might have changed already.

Cas looked away and nodded. _Dammit Cas. Why couldn't you like Sam?_

Then he turned back to Dean "I could stop seeing you, if you want?"

"No! No, it's okay, really. You don't have to do that" Dean gave Cas a reassuring smile _Fuck_

* * *

When Dean opened his eyes he saw Sam holding Dean's hand and tearing up a bit. "Sam?"

"I spoke to the doctors"

"Sammy, what's wrong?"

"You uh… have pancreas cancer"

"Cancer?"

Sam nodded

"How long?

Sam looked up "What?"

"How long do I have left Sammy?"

"A couple years, maybe"

"Oh"

"I'm so sorry Dean"

Dean shook his head "Don't be sorry Sam. It's not your fault."

"Maybe there's something or someone that can help you?"

"How? There are no angels or demons anymore"

"But maybe I can find another priest to lay some mojo on you"

"No. Sam, no. We aren't doing that"

"Then what am I supposed to do?! Dean, what am I supposed to do afterwards?!"

"You're not going to moan over me. You're going to accept that I'm gone. And you're going to go back to school and become a lawyer. Get a job, get a wife, have babies, and grow old. You are going to have the life you always wanted."

"But what about you, Dean?"

"I wasn't made for an apple pie life. My life is to be a hunter. And there isn't anything left for me now" His mouth curled into a smile.

Sam just sat there. He was going to wait on telling Dean about him going to school, at least for a week or two.

* * *

"Dean?"

"Hey Cas" Dean smiled then looked down.

"Is everything okay?"

"Peachy"

"Dean"

"It's nothing I can't handle, Cas"

Cas kept starring

"Fine. I …uhh have cancer." He laughed a little

"How is having cancer humorous?"

Dean smiled at Cas "You never changed"

Cas tilted his head in confusion. Dean smiled.

"Cas?"

"Yes"

"Would you hate me for being relieved that this happened?"

"I would never hate you Dean"

Dean just kept thinking, thinking about the people in his shoes that would be morning that this was happening to them. But not him, he's just done.

"… I'm so selfish"

Cas looked alarmed "Dean, you are not selfish! You are humble, loyal, brave, and a person who saves person after person. You are many things, but selfish isn't one of them"

"Cas?"

"Yes Dean?"

"Stop hitting on me" Dean smirked.

_Oh god, am I hitting on Cas?_ Dean was taken back by that thought. He couldn't honestly have feelings for Cas, could he? Castiel was Dean's best friend for 6 years now. That's a long time, well if you compare it to 40 years in Hell, maybe not. But still. Dean always would say he didn't swim in that pond, but come on. Dean was a crazy guy; he had sex with a fallen angel, and twins. He doesn't say no too many things, but even if he did like Cas like that, he wouldn't want to screw up their friendship. He needs all the support he can get. Especially right now.

"I wasn't hitting on you" Cas said with confusion in his voice

Dean scuffed "Never mind Cas, never mind"

* * *

"Dean, can I tell you something?"

"Shoot"

"I'm so sorry" He broke down. Dean had never seen Cas like this, throughout all the years he was just an emotionless angel.

"For what, Cas?" Dean had an idea why he was sorry

"For everything. All the horrible things I did these past years." He shook his head "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Hey, come on Cas. You know that stuff is in the past, don't worry about it, okay?" By this time, Dean had his hand on Cas'.

Cas nodded.

"God, you look like a ditched prom date" Dean laughed. And took the end of his sleeve and wiped off Cas' tears from his face. _Hey Dean? Yeah, uh whatchya doin?_

Dean rolled his eyes at himself.

"Cas, I think I'm waking up. See ya" Dean said before he opened his eyes and was back in real life.

* * *

Dean didn't see Sam when he opened his eyes. So he picked up the remote for the TV and turned it on. He flipped through the channels till he stopped on the news.

"Dean?" Sam came in the room.

Dean looked at Sam "Who else?"

Sam laughed "Yeah"

Sam was not happy right now. I mean, he really is never happy but he thought after he'd locked Hell and Heaven, all the loss would be over. But you can't always get what you want; even if you think you deserve it. The world doesn't go like that.

So now, he had to live his life without his brother. The person who practically raised him. The brother who went to Hell for him. How could he make that up now? Sam has done terrible things, things that faulted their trust. But he never wanted to let Dean down anymore.

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?" He said with a mouthful of pudding that Sam brought him.

"I've decided to go back to law school…"

Dean nodded "…Good for you Sammy"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you deserve it" Dean smiled

Sam felt relieved and fell back into his chair next to Dean's bed.

* * *

"Cas?" Dean looked around and didn't see him. He was driving the Impala down a empty highway.

_Maybe he's busy_ He shrugged. A few minutes later he thought _Wow, this is boring. What were my dreams before Cas? _He didn't have to answer that. He knew that before Cas started visiting him, he had nightmares. Nightmares that felt so real, that pinching himself didn't do a thing. Nightmares that nobody could in their right mind ever imagine. Nightmares that were so frightening that he would never tell another human soul about them.

"Hello, Dean"

Dean turned to Cas and smiled before turning back to the road "Hey"

"Sorry, I had to take care of something"

"Oh, it's no big deal."

"That's what you say when it is a big deal" Cas said in a 'actually' sort of way.

Dean turned to Cas "Where were you?" Dean said trying to change the subject.

Cas turned towards the window "Just sending something"

Dean smirked "For me?"

Cas didn't know, but Dean saw him blush. Cas never answered which made Dean smile.

"Dreams are strange" Cas finally said.

Dean lifted his eyebrows "How?"

"I don't know. They're just so different. Not heaven, not a parallel universe, just the mind of a human being. It's quite remarkable. You can't fly in real life, but in a dream you can fly to the greatest heights." Cas smiled "Sometimes you can even be able to control them. Sometimes you just sit and watch what happens. And sometimes you can relive the best memories. It's an escape"

"But then there are nightmares. The mind plays tricks on you, and you can never open your eyes from it. You are the only one who knows your worst fears."

"Interesting really"

* * *

**Hey hey hey! Sorry, I was at the beach with no Wi-Fi so I couldn't a chapter. But while I was there I wrote this long chapter so please forgive me. And since I had no Wi-Fi, I couldn't do a lot of research on Pancreas Cancer, so it's just going to be made up stuff here and the rest of the story. Hope you enjoy xoxo. **


	5. Chapter 5

Dean plopped on the bed.

The hospital let Dean go home after they did all the necessary tests. Which Dean was grateful for, he wasn't going to be held up at a hospital for the rest of his life. But he did have to take medicine pretty frequently.

But right now, he couldn't care less that he was dying. This was now, and that wasn't going to happen for a couple years, so might as well use these days well.

Dean reaches up and turns off the light on his bedside table, glancing at the picture of Mary.

He settles in bed and reaches his hands up to grab the pillow when he feels something. Something that is usually not next to the gun he keeps under his pillow every night. He feels around it, and infers it's some sort of piece of paper. He pulls it out and turns the light back on.

"Dean,

I'm not used to writing. But here it goes. It's too hard to tell you in person, that's why I wanted to write it down here."

Dean takes a breath

"You are my light. I was lost for millennia before I met you. I'm so very different from the other angels. I think I was made to be different. I've rebelled against heaven, I've done unspeakable things. But after everything God keeps bringing me back, there must be reason why?"

"Dean, I'm not used to this feeling in my stomach every time I see you, or even think of you. I think it's called 'butterflies', I don't clearly understand this, there aren't any butterflies in my stomach. If anyone did they would need to go to a hospital."

Dean chuckles

"Anyway, I'm sorry I never said goodbye to you, all those times I disappeared. I should've said goodbye. I couldn't though. I never wanted to say it because I didn't want it to be true. Seeing you then having to leave, it's unbearable. I didn't want a goodbye to be my last word said to you. I always came back. And I'm so grateful for that.

Castiel (Cas)"

Dean pondered on the letter for a while.

_Cas, if you've got your ears on. This is for you. Cas buddy, stop apologizing. I never gave up on you, it's okay._ Dean couldn't believe he was doing this _Yeah I get that feeling in my stomach too when I see you._

_But, we can't_

He could never be with Cas even if he wanted too. Cas was gone. And he wasn't coming back. And soon he will be taken away from Sam.

Sometimes God makes miracles. Sometimes he doesn't give a shit.

* * *

Dean could tell this was a dream. He knew because he was with Jo and Ellen. Just hanging out at Bobby's house, playing poker. Jo in the lead at this point.

Maybe it was Dean's subconscious or what but the topic of Cas came up. Thank god Cas wasn't there to here all this.

"So Castiel, interesting guy" Jo says with a grin on her face.

"Yeah he is" Dean says plainly

"He's pretty cool" Ellen says and nods

"But, he is really weird" Bobby laughs

Dean laughs a little _He's an angel, of course he's weird_

"Yeah and always get you guys in loads of trouble" Ellen adds

_It wasn't his entire fault_

"And what kind of name is Castiel?" Jo says

"It's his name. And it fits him" Dean says with rage inside him

"And that dam trench coat he wears all the time" Bobby shakes his head

_What the fuck? Why are they saying all this? _

I stand up "Shut up! All of you!"

They all become silent.

"There is nothing wrong with him. And he's nothing but kind to us_. Risking his life for us, every day._ Stop saying those things, it's not right"

"What's not right, is that he actually likes you" Jo says

Dean wakes up from the nightmare, and falls back asleep.

* * *

Cas feels unsteady. Someone is praying to him. But who?

He listens closely "Cas if you've got your ears on. This is for you. Cas buddy, stop apologizing. I never gave up on you, it's okay. Yeah I get that feeling in my stomach too when I see you. But we can't…"

Cas' heart sank. _He doesn't reciprocate?_

_Of course he doesn't_ Cas thought

Cas stands up and walks to his garrison. He looks around at the architecture. Tracing his fingers along the wall. Stopping every once in a while to think.

_Oh Dean. Why can't I get you out of my head?_

He keeps walking. _Your voice, your face, your green eyes, your soul. All so perfect. Scratched by humanity_

_Maybe I should just stop, stop trying. I don't know._

* * *

Another nightmare, of course.

A kind of nightmare that Dean hasn't had in years. A nightmare about Hell.

Dean was tied up against a wall. Couldn't move a muscle. All he could do was scream from the pain.

"Oh poor, poor boy" Alastair chuckled. He slices through Dean.

"Ahh!"

"Gosh, wouldn't it just be easier to give in?" Another tear. Another slice.

"Cas!" Dean screamed. Tears rolling down his face. He just wanted this to be over

"Ohh right, Cas. Ahh yes, I …killed him" Alastair laughs.

Dean shakes his head in protest "No you didn't. You couldn't. He wouldn't do that to me! He wouldn't leave me!"

"Then where is he now, Winchester?" Alastair looks around "I don't see him, Dean" Another cut.

"Casss!" _Help me! Cas!_ Alastair laughs

* * *

Cas hears that voice again. He pinpoints it and listens "Cas!… Casss! Help me! Cas!"

Cas stops dead in his tracks. _Dean_ He finds Dean's nightmare and goes inside.

Cas looks around and sees a big room made out of iron, chains hanging from the wall. He keeps looking till his eyes stop on Dean.

_Oh Dean_ He looks so helpless. Some things of his past are too hard to get rid of.

Cas walks up and meets eye with Alastair.

"Oh wow, look who showed up" Dean's to beaten up to really know what's going on.

"Step away from him" Cas says

"What if I don't want too?"

"It won't matter" Cas touched Dean with two fingers and they were gone.

"Dean?" Cas lays Dean on the couch, not leaving his side.

Dean opens his eyes as far as they can go (which wasn't very far).

"Cas?"

"It's okay, Dean. I'm here." Cas heals him after saying this.

Dean opens his eyes "Where am I?"

"At Bobby's" Cas strokes his face to calm him down.

"But I thought… he said…"

Cas interjects "He was lying. I'm right here" Cas gives him a small smile.

Dean nods and wraps an arm around Cas, oblivious of what's really happening. He doesn't know this is a dream, or real life. It doesn't really matter to him right now.

Cas melts into the touch. "Dean"

Dean looks up at Cas, their faces only inches away from each other. "I have to go" Cas continues

Dean's face falls. Anyone could see the disappointment. "Why?"

"I have orders to do. I wasn't even supposed to see you tonight"

"Oh"

Cas feels bad _Maybe I shouldn't leave him? I'll stay with him till he wakes up._ Cas shakes his head, he needs to do his orders.

"Goodbye, Dean" Cas spreads out his wings to depart when

"Wait" Dean grabs the back of Cas' neck and pulls him in for a kiss.

The kiss was a first time for both of them. Cas hadn't been so intimate with a human like this before, he did kiss Meg a couple times but it didn't feel the same. For Dean, he hadn't kissed a guy, like ever. It was different but amazing at the same time.

Dean broke away "You should get going"

Cas nods "Bye Dean"

"Bye Cas"

* * *

**Hello fellow readers and writers! Sorry for the delay, this chapter took me a while to write. I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with it, but I think I got it down pretty well. Well hopefully... Anyway! Uh if anyone wants to send in suggestions of what to happen next, feel free! Also, if anyone wants to send in a smutty chapter, please do! I probably won't right one, but the story will feel wrong if I don't, so I'm just asking you guys for help. Thanks for reading, xoxo!**


	6. Chapter 6

Dean woke up on that Tuesday, the smell if bacon in the air. Light seeping from the crack at the bottom of the door. His blankets wrapped around him. All so perfect.

Until he feels a pain in his abdomen, and remembers what he did in his dream last night.

_Crap_

He reaches over and opens the bottle filled with small pills to keep the pain down. He swallows two, and pulls the covers off of him.

He stands up and pushes the memories in the back of his head _for now_. He opens the door and walks out. The smell of freshly cooked breakfast was stronger, and Dean loved it.

"Hiya Sammy"

Sam turns around from his cooking "Dean" He smiles

_Never got to see that kid smile enough_ Dean grins

"I'm going out for the day to check out the school" Sam says which interrupts Dean's thoughts

Dean nods wearily "Okay"

Sam puts eggs and bacon on a plate and gives it to Dean. Dean smiles and looks up at Sam "You not gonna eat?"

Sam shook his head "Not hungry"

Dean nodded and started cutting up his breakfast. _Something different about homemade breakfast_ after he was finished he went to his room to rest.

He had to "rest" pretty often, that's what the doctors said but of course he never listened to them. He only listened to Sam when he insisted that he had to rest in bed when he was in pain.

Sam left and Dean was lying in bed. Bored out of his mind, and in some pain. Couldn't have been worse, oh wait? Yes it can. His mind just had to bring up Cas. The one thing he honestly didn't need to think about when he was awake.

_Cas, Cas, Cas. Why can't I get you out of my head? … Why did I kiss you? Why did I like it?_ Dean huffed and just dug himself deeper into the bed.

Then he fell asleep.

* * *

_That voice again. I hear it every time he thinks about me. It makes me feel warm inside, like nothing before_ He cracks a smile.

"Castiel?" Ezekiel asks

"Yes, sorry"

"We were just discussing you and the Winchesters"

Cas nods

"We think it would be better if you stayed away from them. That means no dream walking"

Cas looks up at him "But-"

"No, no buts. These are your orders, you will do them so"

Cas looks down _But Dean needs me right now… I need him right now_

Ezekiel turns his attention to the other angels, telling them what their orders are.

_What is Dean going to think?_

* * *

Dreaming once again.

Dean doesn't recognize the place, all he knows is he's on the hood of the Impala and he's looking up at the stars, which look especially bright tonight.

He smiles. He always enjoyed looking up at the stars, as cheesy it sounds. It was always so peaceful; it was a break from his stressful life, which he definitely needed.

He even forgot about Cas, it just made is mind blank.

When Dean awoke, Sam was still gone. Dean wandered out of his room and to the main room. He sat in a chair, which was just made out of wood, nothing special to it. He tapped his fingers against the table in a rhythm he just made up on the spot. Then it hits him.

Not literally of course, there's no one there to hurt him. He would have noticed if someone was there. No, it was just something he finally remembered since he fell asleep.

Cas. He didn't come to see him. Dean was a little worried he didn't want to think that maybe Cas didn't want to kiss him last night. And he hoped Cas wasn't thinking that about him.

He honestly just wanted to see Cas again, even if it was awkward or they were fighting at least Dean knew where he was and he was okay. Cas has been very quiet about how it's going upstairs. Dean doesn't pry too much, but every so often he'll hint it, and Cas just shuts him down.

Dean felt like a teenager every time he did this. He rolled his eyes and began _Cas? You there man? I didn't see you in my last dream, I just wanted to make sure it's not because of last night. I think we should talk about last night, I really do. Or maybe you were busy with your angel business or something. Just want to make sure you're okay_

Dean opened his eyes. He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

* * *

Cas looks down at his hands then at the snow beneath his feet. He was in Savannah Kenley's heaven, a snow day when she was a little girl. She didn't have to go to school, and she was playing with her younger brother. She didn't notice Cas sitting on a bench nearby, not many people **_do_** notice him.

He was thinking of Dean, a subject he spends a lot of his time thinking about nowadays. It affects his way of life, more than it should. And god, he can't take it anymore. Dean's never out of his head, and Cas sometimes wishes that maybe that's how it is in Dean's head. That Dean never stops thinking about him, the thought brings 'butterflies' in Cas' stomach. Cas knows Dean thought that Cas wouldn't get out of his head but that was just because of the kiss. Dean did think he enjoyed the kiss, but it was just the heat of the moment. It had to be. Cas screwed up too many times, for Dean to constantly think about him like the way he did about Dean. Dean can't think about him like that. He said it so himself, he can't be with Cas. And that did kill Cas inside, bit by bit. Every time he thought about it, the voice inside his head got stronger. _He'll never like you, how could anyone? You're an angel besides, you can't be with a human. That's just nonsense_ Cas buries his face in his palms.

Then he hears the voice again _Cas? You there man?…He's praying to me?_ Cas couldn't help but smile._ I think we should talk about last night, I really do..._ His smile fades _Just want to make sure you're okay_ It comes back. And Cas is so grateful to have Dean care about him.

But Cas isn't allowed to see Dean. What is he supposed to do? He can't do anything. _I'm sorry Dean_

* * *

**WEEK LATER**

Dean is more than worried.

He hasn't seen Cas in little over a week, and Dean didn't like it. He needed to know if Cas was okay, and he just wanted to see him again. He actually missed the nerdy guy.

He honestly didn't know what to do. So he went to Sam. His little brother would know something he could do; his brother was always like that. Never giving up, trying a different route to use if the original one was blocked. He needed his brother's opinion on this.

"Hey Sam?"

Sam looked up from his book _What a bookworm_ Dean grinned. "Yeah?"

Dean sat down on the chair he was sitting on just last week. "Uh well, I have something to tell you,"

Sam raises his eyebrows

"Uh…it's about Cas"

Sam laughs "When is it not?"

Dean looked confused and a little mad "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sam shrugged "You only come to me with something important if it's about Cas"

Dean put that thought on hold and continued, "Sam, it's just I haven't heard anything from him since last week. I see him at least two times a week." Dean totally lied, he sees Cas practically every dream he has. "Do you have any idea to get in contact with him? Just somehow"

Sam paused "Well no, we locked all the angels up. It's surprising to me that he can go into your dream. Believe me I've looked everywhere to see if we can contact him, but there's just nothing."

_But?_

_I need to know if Cas is okay, I just need to see him_

Somewhere in heaven Cas is smiling to the warm feeling in his stomach because Dean is thinking of him. The best feeling in the world.


End file.
